In order to effectively communicate their ideas in the most elegant and effective way possible, eager new writers frequently utilize a surplus of words, often including a multitude of adjectives, unnecessary clauses, and elaborate phrases to convey their all-important message. 

See what we did there?

Whether you’re a professional writer on the Rumpus team or a veterinary professional composing client communications, concise writing is the key to a clear message and a captive audience.

Here are some tricks and tips to help you understand how less is more.

Shut the fluff up: Taking your writing from wordy to wow

Check out these veterinary writing samples before and after they’re edited for clarity and conciseness. Can you find the fluff?

Example: Informative writing

Informative writing doesn’t require including everything and the kitchen sink. Here’s an overzealous appointment reminder, followed by a streamlined statement of facts.

As we approach the time of your pet’s routine yearly veterinary visit, we would like to take this opportunity to kindly remind you of the significant importance of your pet’s regular care. These yearly check-ups are indispensable for the ongoing and thorough monitoring of your pet’s overall health and well-being, as they allow us to detect any potential health concerns at an early stage before they have the chance to develop into more serious issues.

Edited 

It’s time for your pet’s annual veterinary appointment, which is vital to their overall health. Routine exams allow our veterinarian to assess your pet’s well-being and detect potential health concerns before they become serious.

Example: Emotional writing 

Emotional writing is often fraught with lengthy sentences and unnecessary words. Here’s a common pet loss sentiment, followed by the simplified—yet more resonant—message.

In this profoundly sorrowful time, we extend our deepest and most heartfelt condolences for the loss of your cherished and dearly beloved pet, who has undoubtedly left an indelible paw print on your heart and soul. The immense and overwhelming grief you are experiencing is a testament to the special bond you shared, and we hope you find some solace and comfort in the beautiful and enduring memories that will forever remain etched in your mind.

Edited

We extend our deepest condolences on the loss of your cherished <Insert pet name>. The depth of your grief is a testament to your beautiful bond, but your precious memories will live on forever.

Slash, burn, read, repeat: Tips for concise writing

Worrying can blunt the creative process and leave you at a loss for words. Write your first draft quickly and messily to keep such paralyzing feelings at bay. Then, make your writing lean, mean, and powerful with our concise writing tips. They include:

  • Read your writing out loud — This is the fastest way to recognize redundancies, omissions, and logic leaps.
  • Trim, read, and trim again — Delete unnecessary words, phrases, and clauses, and then reread your work. Is the message clear? If not, go back for round two.
  • Be ruthless about adverbs and adjectives — Modifiers can help your writing leap off the page, but too many can make it sound like a comic book. Choose wisely.

Easy targets: Trim these unnecessary words

Wake up your sentences by picking off easy targets, such as:

  • Just
  • In order to
  • It’s important to/that
  • Be sure to
  • I/We think/believe that 
  • The fact that
  • There is/are

While many other words and phrases are unnecessary, we’ll conclude our list with advice from American literary master and linguistic sharpshooter, Mark Twain, who said, “Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” 

We’d argue that “just” could be similarly replaced, but we’ll respect Mr. Twain’s style. 

Not enough or too much? A note on personal style 

Speaking of style, “unnecessary” words can add personality and flair to your writing. So, before you strip your sentences bare in the name of clarity and conciseness, consider the tone and intent of your work. With thoughtful application, adverbs, adjectives, and clauses can build trust with your reader, soften challenging concepts, and give life and personality to otherwise cold and sterile words. Treat our recommendations as guidelines—not rules—and your messaging will not merely communicate, but resonate.

Are you boxed in with too many bad writing habits? Can you not see the difference between the edited and unedited examples? Does the idea of writing or editing anything beyond your grocery list give you an ulcer? Then, call in the professionals at Rumpus Writing and Editing. From brand voice and brochures to social media and script writing, our industry-leading team combines creativity and veterinary expertise to bring your project to life. Contact us to schedule your consultation.